And do you remember when you were learning to crawl? I do.
You were so frightened when your parents let go of you, you puckered your lips and burst into tears. Then, instinctively, you turned to look at me—arms shivering, voice quivering—pleading with me with your tear-filled eyes. Oh, I so, so, wanted to pick you up then, to comfort you, to stop the pain in my heart. Only, your parents were giving me that piercing look, that knowing scowl, warning me not to move, not to interfere, not to spoil you. How heartless can they get? I felt like beating them up and bundling you into the safety of my embrace. And I almost did.
The Rediscovery
Evan, Grandma wants you to know that when I first became a mother, I struggled a lot with expressing maternal love. Then, I wanted so badly to be a good mother, to provide the best care and education for my little child. I wanted to be a good wife too, to work hard and contribute to the family’s finances. And I wanted to be a strong professional woman, to stake my claim to a career of significance. I ended up with far too much burden; far too little time. And before I had the ability or the opportunity to express affection and love, your Mom had grown and flown the nest.
But life appeared to have gone full circle. Your arrival has given me a second chance to experience the pure joy of familial love, to relearn the lessons of expressing affection. And I intend to do it right this time around. I know, I know. All the grandmothers of the world can relate to this. Because we have all missed opportunities, lived with regrets, and learned our lessons. That is why whenever you open your arms and smile at us, we have no way to resist pulling you into our embrace. We know all too well that the time we’re bestowed—to hug you, to hold you, to carry you—is way too short. Soon will come the day when we no longer have the physical strength to enjoy this immense pleasure. You will grow big; strong. And tomorrow’s learned maturity will replace today’s cute innocence. So, while you are surrounded by the warmth and love of family, I so, so hope that you would choose to grow oh, so, so slowly. Haha. Why not?
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.” – Lois Wyse
Evan, your arrival completes, for me, the roles in life that I was meant to play—a daughter, a lover, a wife, a mother, and yes, now a grandmother. And wherever you go, no matter how far, a piece of this first-time Grandma’s heart will follow. Even though we can only meet through Facetime during this challenging period, I want you to know, Evan, that no matter what the future holds, Grandma will always love you and support you. And I will forever be grateful for the pleasure of being your
Grandma.
Love you to the moon and back,
Grandma Deborah
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